Party of 4: Fortunes Found in Dungeons Deep

Created by Colossal Ken

Party of 4: Fortunes Found in Dungeons Deep is a physical SOLO Hero-crafting, Dungeon-delving and Treasure-looting board game. Assemble a Party of wannabe Heroes, Train them to “not die too fast” and then Point them towards Fame and Fortune (or humiliating Defeat and Destitution)!

Latest Updates from Our Project:

Pop Quiz, Hot Shot. What do you do? What... do... YOU... do?!?
11 days ago – Thu, Nov 17, 2022 at 10:23:12 PM

(bonus points for Pop Culture reference - NO cheating!)

Update Summary:

  • Shipping Update (Hint: SOON!)
  • Game Creation Conundrums: What do YOU do?!?
  • Colossal Ken Interviews Keanu Reeves

Shipping Update (Hint: SOON!)

Sorry for the Update Delay. Colossal Ken (the OTHER Colossal Ken - not THIS Colossal Ken) thought it would be HILARIOUS to kidnap me and exile me to a distant Plane of Existence.

(I did. And it was.)

I'm kinda glad, though, 'cause that is where I ran into Keanu.

(no you didn't)

He was boning up on his Non-Linear Geometry for an upcoming movie... and working on his tan. 

Anyway, all the Chits have arrived. They have been reconfigured to my liking (see Game Creation Conundrums below for all the gory details). The only task left if stuffing the stuff into the stuff holders and slapping a mailing label on them.

Okay, ACTUALLY, there is ONE MORE SUPER Secret Project step involved in the shipping process. There are LITERALLY only TWO people in the whole of the multi-verse that are privy to this little gem - me and the Backer that originally suggested it, Beard-Marine.

(THREE, Dummy! Don't forget about me!)

How could I? Fine, three people know about the secret project. 

(I MAY have mentioned it to Mistress Mandara...)

Good grief! Why?!?

(it was the perfect example of how completely idiotic you are - she agreed)

That's fair. FOUR, there are ONLY four people in all of existence that know about the SUPER Secret Project.  And Beard-Marine shares in SOME of the idiocy.

(I think you are building it up too much - it's not THAT cool)

I plan to return from my Extraplanar exile around Thanksgiving (that's November 24th for those of you non-Colonizers out there). I will then have three whole days to stuff about 12,400 individual components into 1,086 envelopes and THEN affix 1,086 labels AND 1,086 sticky postage sticker stamp things. 

Luckily, my MULTITUDE of personalities should make the work go a lot faster.

(no it won't)

Oh, you want an actual date? Fine. How does Tuesday, November 29th sound? I SHOULD be able to start dropping your crap into the postage hole around then. Happy? 


Game Creation Conundrums: What do YOU do?!?

Okay, I have a Game Creation Conundrum for you Wannabe Game Designers out there.

What do YOU do?

Okay, HYPOTHETICALLY, let's say you were in the process of manufacturing your really awesome game.

(yes, I know that is impossible because only *I* can make really awesome games - just go with it)

And, HYPOTHETICALLY, you needed Chits for your game.

And, HYPOTHETICALLY, you had a CHOICE when it comes to manufacturing the Chits:

1) Have them perfectly assembled at the printer 100% ready to be added to your game for a set cost (HYPOTHETICALLY, let's call this cost $2,976.44), OR

2) Have the Chits assembled as a gigantic sea of Chits spread across hundreds of sheets of Chit boards in no discernable organization or sense. Total and complete MAYHEM requiring hours of work to pop out about 19,548 Chits (HYPOTHETICALLY!) and reconfigure them into workable sets of Chits for 1,086 games (HYPOTHETICALLY!), BUT having it cost HALF as much (HYPOTHETICALLY, let's say this method only costs $1,488.22).

WHAT... DO... YOU... DO?!?

Personally, only a TOTAL MORON would go with #2 to save a couple bucks.


Shut it.

Colossal Ken Interviews Keanu Reeves

Colossal Ken: Today, I am speaking with Keanu Reeves.

(no you're not)

Colossal Ken: Shut it! Yes, I am.

(I don't see him anywhere. This is a FAKE interview!)

Colossal Ken: YOU're FAKE!

(NOT COOL, Dummy. Mental illness is REAL.)

Colossal Ken: Sorry about that, K-dog. Do you mind if I call you K-dog?

Keanu: Actually...

Colossal Ken: K-dog, you and I have a lot in common. You are widely regarded as the greatest actor that has ever graced this Plane of Existence. Likewise, I am widely regarded as the greatest game designer that has ever lived.

Keanu: I didn't know that.

Colossal Ken: It's true. Quite a few people enjoy your work.

Keanu: Oh, I know that. I meant that I didn't know you...

Colossal Ken: Another fun fact - we are BOTH Demi-gods AND we both cut our teeth in the same Demi-god internship - "Brainwashing Humanoids" wasn't it?

Keanu: Yeah! Totally epic! That was - what? Like 6? Maybe 7 eons ago?

Colossal Ken: You're right! Hey, you're not as dumb as you look!

Keanu: Thanks! You, too!

Colossal Ken: Wow. That place was a real hell hole. For the life of me I can't remember the name...

Keanu: Dude! How could you forget?!? Our internship was at Disneyland!

Colossal Ken: Wow! You're right! Woof. That place blew, BUT we sure did learn a lot. Look at us now!

Keanu: Righteous! I just wanted to thank you, C.K. If it weren't for you hooking me up with that internship, I never would have found these Earthling human peeps. They are the best! I can LITERALLY say ANYTHING into the camera and they will throw tons of money at me. Like "I know Kung Fu" or "Excellent!" or "Preheat the oven to 375 degrees." It's bitchin'!

Colossal Ken: I totally know the feeling! My Backers CANNOT get enough of me. AND they all gave me $5 for a $1 game... that doesn't even come in a BOX!!!

Keanu: Hahahahahahaha!

Colossal Ken: Hahahahahahaha!

(I wish this would end soon...)

Keanu: Did you hear something?

Colossal Ken: Don't worry about. It was nothing. Stay excellent, Keanu!

Keanu: Right back at 'ya, Colossal!

P.S. Any Backer that suggests "shooting me in the leg" after this Update... will get a virtual High-five. ;-)

Address Lockdown INCOMING!!!
about 1 month ago – Wed, Oct 26, 2022 at 12:14:49 AM

Addresses Will Be LOCKED DOWN in BackerKit in 48 hours!

After compulsively hitting 'refresh' on the Chit Production Queue website for the last 8 WEEKS!, it APPEARS you will ACTUALLY get some tasty Party of 4 loot pretty soon. 

If you missed the latest production Update - I think it's one of my better ones :) - you can read it here:

If you've never experienced a BackerKit Address LOCKDOWN, then here's a little primer:

STEP 1: BackerKit will send you an email warning you that they will be 'locking down' your address in preparation for shipping your goodies to you. Basically, this means that whatever address is in the system will be the address where your game is shipped.

PLEASE NOTE: Any addresses referencing "Santa Clause" or "The North Pole" will be automatically deleted from the system. Colossal Ken and Santa Clause have this longstanding "demigod" rivalry thing going on that I really don't want to get into right now. Let's just say: I have ZERO intention of sparking THAT feud back up! Talk about EGO. That Santa guy is a piece of work. Yikes. 

STEP 2: Verify that your address is correct in the email. If it is, then you are all good. Please sit patiently on your doorstep until your life is TRANSFORMED (it is not yet clear whether the transformation will be for the better or for the worse)

STEP 2B: IF YOUR ADDRESS IS NOT CORRECT IN THE EMAIL, then please change it to something that works (by clicking the link provided in the email). 

NO, "I live in a hole in the ground just outside of Prague" will not suffice. Either find a friend (yes, I KNOW it's hard!) and use their address OR just pick some random house address near you and hide in the bushes until the game arrives. Just don't scare the postal delivery person too bad. They have difficult jobs as it is. PLUS, if they STOP delivering my games, that would stymie Colossal Ken's plans for World Domination which would make him grouchy-er. 

Yours in Colossal Mayhem,

Ken (and the occasional uninvited guest, Colossal Ken)

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang! The Chits have FINALLY been FREED from their imprisonment in the Underworld!
about 1 month ago – Mon, Oct 24, 2022 at 04:09:13 AM

Hey, Party (of 4) People!

The last and final component needed to complete Party of 4, the laser-cut chits (A.K.A. "The Bane of My Existence"!), has FINALLY entered PRODUCTION!

Colossal Ken was able to lead a small team of brave Adventurers to rescue the Chits from their imprisonment in the Underworld. 

For reasons-unknown, Bhaal, the super-not-nice guy that famously became a super-duper-not-nice god, decided to rip our beloved Chits from the Ethereal Production Queue and imprison them at his palatial AirBnB in the Underworld (apparently, bookings for his Underworld manor are down due to the strict Covid-19 travel restrictions). 

It is suspected that Bhaal planned to use the Chits to make restaurant tables and chairs in the Underworld "more wobbly" to "enhance the already-hellish torture" that Bhaal was inflicting on its residents. However, another theory is that Bhaal wanted to keep the "gorgeous and wonderfully designed" Chits from the Earthly Plane to "inflict extreme sadness" on the mortals of Earth. 

Whatever the reason, Ken (sometimes known as "Corny Ken"), Colossal Ken and Mistress Mandara (the former proprietress of The Magnificent Emporium of Eldritch Arms, Enchanted Armour and Arcane Curios - yeah, I KNOW the name is REALLY long)...

You can learn MORE about the mysterious Mistress Mandara here.

... teamed up with the Adventurers to infiltrate the Underworld (Colossal Ken volunteered to kill Ken which worked perfectly despite Ken being a total wuss about it). 

They then bypassed Bhaal's elaborate security system (mostly by using every singly Adventurer as cannon fodder - don't fret, they didn't live long enough to experience [much] pain). 

Finally, they entered Bhaal's nigh on IMPREGNABLE AirBnB Underworld Fortress (Mistress Mandara slipped in through the Hell-doggy door).

I am pleased to announce that ALL the Chits made it out safely. They are recovering from their ordeal as they progress along the Production Line.

HOWEVER, they are a bit traumatized by the whole ordeal. 

Although they weren't all that traumatized by the wobbly table thing (since they will probably be used to "unwobble" tables for their Party of 4 Backers anyway), BUT they WERE traumatized by the MEANS of their escape (namely, Colossal Ken INGESTING them into his Colossal belly so they could later be "expelled" from Colossal Ken via his colossal... well,  you get the picture. 


I'm sure there's a toilet paper joke in their somewhere. Feel free to post YOUR take in the Comments (no need to keep it "clean" Hahahahahaha!). 

The current estimate for delivery of the (shook up) Chits is November 1st. Our team of non-volunteer vagrants and children SHOULD be able to pack and ship within 1-2 weeks after that (ASSUMING the Chits did not suffer any lasting damage - physically or mentally).

Thank you for your (complete lack of) patience. ;-)

Yours in Colossal Mayhem,

Corny Ken, Colossal Ken and Mistress Mandara 

(and any other personalities that should happen to transiently occupy the space between Ken's ears)

Some Adventurer's Manual Previews!
about 2 months ago – Fri, Oct 14, 2022 at 10:15:35 AM

While You All Twiddle Your Thumbs Waiting... Here are some Adventurer's Manual Previews!

(stop twiddling... it makes you look stupid... er)

IF YOU ACTUALLY ENJOY WAITING, then you can Back The Magnificent Emporium Kickstarter and WAIT some more! It was funded in 25 minutes (which is slightly longer than it took Colossal Ken to actually MAKE the game!)

LIVE ON KICKSTARTER: Mistress Mandara's Magnificent Emporium of Eldritch Arms, Enchanted Armour and Arcane Curios 

Apparently, the facility that is manufacturing our laser-cut chits inadvertently tore a hole is space-time and is now stuck in the event horizon of a gravitationally collapsing planetary body (Your planets are SO fragile! You should probably find another one.). 

That is the ONLY reasonable explanation for WHY THEY ARE TAKING SO DANG LONG TO MAKE!!!

While we wait for your World Leaders to mend the gravitational rupture and fix the space-time discombobulation (Ha! The ONLY thing MORE prone to FAILURE than your planets are your planet's bureaucrats!), here are some Preview images of the Adventurer's Manual (since your species has yet to evolve to the level of direct psychic connection - dealing with humans is SOOOOO tedious!).

Enjoy... or don't.

Yes, this was screenshot-ified directly from Word which is why you see the squiggly red lines. You should feel VERY proud of yourself!
Oh, look! It's made with moldy, stained parchment paper! HOW ORIGINAL!!!
I can't even think of a CLOSE SECOND PLACE to the 80's.
"Hold your freakin' horses!" should have been the TITLE of this UPDATE!
"See if I care" should have been the TITLE of THIS KICKSTARTER! Ha! It probably would've broken funding records!!!
"All the Danger and NONE of the Reward" is DEFINITELY gonna be a Reward Tier next time.
NOW you know my SECRET! Darn you!
This should probably read "The End is Near... FOR YOU" since MY end won't be for several millenia yet.

Making funny (allegedly) comments about funny (allegedly) comments in the game instructions: How META of me!

You may return to your life now.

Mistress Mandara NEEDS Your Help!!! LIVE on Kickstarter NOW!
about 2 months ago – Wed, Oct 05, 2022 at 03:14:42 AM

The Magnificent Emporium is LIVE on Kickstarter!

LIVE on Kickstarter: Mistress Mandara's Magnificent Emporium of Eldritch Arms, Enchanted Armour and Arcane Curios 

(Yes, EVERYONE KNOWS that the game name is quite long. Keep your asinine thoughts to yourself.)

Mistress Mandara’s Emporium of Eldritch Arms, Enchanted Armour and Arcane Curios.

You probably know it by its more common name: The Magnificent Emporium.

The Magnificent Emporium is a SOLO Crafting, Enchanting and Adventuring tabletop game. Hire Adventurers to seek Exotic Crafting Components, Accept Commissions from Colorful Customers, and Create Legendary Arms and Armour.

And don't miss our interview with Mistress Mandara at the end of this Update.

Ken: Today, we have the pleasure of speaking with Mistress Mandara. She is the famous...

Colossal Ken: Infamous is more like it!

Mistress Mandara: Stuff it, Colossal Ken! I get a headache every time you open your fetid mouth.

Ken: ...  proprietor of The Magnificent Emporium of Eldritch Arms, Enchanted  Armour and Sundry Arcane Curios. NO ONE has been crafting exquisite arms  and armour as long as she has.

Colassal Ken: Yeah. 'Cause she's older than dirt!

Mistress Mandara: Keep it up "Colossal Clown" and I'll put YOU in the dirt.

Colossal Ken: Oooooo. I'm soooo scare... OUCH! Stop that! That hurts!!!

Mistress Mandara: That's the intention, you dolt!

Ken: Hey, can't we all just get along for a...

Mistress Mandara: Ugh. The ONLY thing I HATE more than listening to Ken bloviate is playing one of his stupid games.

Colossal Ken: Here, here! He can't even keep from screwing up a game made on TOILET PAPER! Now, me - every game I create is pure genius.

Mistress Mandara: ENOUGH  with the unpleasant pleasantries. YOU! Backer person! That's right. I'm  talking to you. I was about THIS close to retiring from making stupid  weapons for stupid people that just end up doing stupid stuff with them when I lost EVERYTHING.

What kinda IDIOT forgets to deactivate their Staff of Destructification when they drop it off to have it cleaned?!? Morons.

I'm surrounded by morons.

Ken: Why are you looking at ME?!? What did I do?

Mistress Mandara: Anyway...  YOU, Kickstarter Backer game person, are gonna save my retirement from  total disaster. I worked WAY too hard for WAY too long to end up NOT spending the rest of my days on the Coconut Coast with a bevy of Cabana  Boys.

Enough already.

I spelled it all out for you in the above video and on the Kickstarter campaign page. It is SO clear that even YOU  should be able to figure it out.

The Kickstarter Campaign is LIVE right now. There is NO way I can do worse than these two KNUCKLEHEADS!!!

Get to it! Those Cabana Boys ain't gettin' any younger!

Ken: You can visit Mistress Mandara's Kickstarter campaign here:

Mistress Mandara's Magnificent Emporium Kickstarter

Ken: Thank you for joining "us".

Colossal Ken and Mistress Mandara (in unison): Shut it!

Colossal Ken and Mistress Mandara (in unison): Jinx!

Colossal Ken and Mistress Mandara (in unison): Jinx again!!!

Colossal Ken and Mistress Mandara (in unison): Jinx again, again!!!

Ken: Welcome to my world...